A Place of No Return

From where I began to where I am now;

What has changed?

What has gone and what has come?

What has ended from where it had begun?

From nowhere to nothing have I reached,

From dust to dust remained.

Time has traveled distance,

Moments and memories too,

But something has remained; the way it’s supposed to.

I’ve looked all around, to where I should go?

No clue, no sign nor feeling have I to lead me so,

The stars foretell a future, a destiny I read not,

My hand has lines that lead to where, I still doubt.

There’s something dying within;

Whose saving drug ain’t there,

Life’s battles are at hand,

And neither my sergeants nor soldiers there.

Fears are freezing and may be emotions go

But things have to go on,

Why, is not for me to know.

The trees have withered leaves,

The spring has them returned,

People have lost feelings,

Love has got them back unturned.

Nightmares have turned real,

Dreams are still dreaming,

What was expected to stay has gone,

What had to go; lived on.

Breakable threads have relations joined,

Broken promises stayed in mind.

No roads have changed, no paths have turned,

May be I’ve trod too far; to a place of no return.

When You Wonder What Life Is

Once u know what life is,

You wonder if you've lived it.

Experienced the dew drops sprinkle,

Seen those tiny shining things at night twinkle.

You wonder if you've felt the river gush at you,

Fighting against brought out the soldier in you.

Have u played with beetles and caught them in jars?

Seen the winter frost change colour of cars.

Have u ever heard the spooky roar of the tiger on the hill?

Fallen down in ditches nature missed to fill.

Have u ever gone beneath the sea and looked at the sun?

Screamed your name to hear echoes from the Holy one.

Have u ever climbed a mountain and stood at the top?

Feeling the world in your hands, like a globe as a prop.

Have u ever heard the screaming silence of the valley?

The soft breeze; like a mother's touch, caring dearly.

Have ever seen a new born smile?

In a single moment chase your fears for miles,

Have you ever looked at the sky above?

Wondering what if you were a bird,

Have you ever felt the rains drops on your face?

The fragrance of a shower on the mud of the earth's furnace,

Have you ever lived life as light as a feather?

Not wondering where to go, yet with someone forever.

Have you ever wondered what life is?

And once you've thought about things big & small,

You look back;

Have I lived it at all?

That Inward Crying

The blades of betrayal you thrust inside,
Twisting them to make you bleed,
Too used to the pain,
You turn & turn,
Not numb enough to let you sleep.

Your veins wreck,
The gust too strong,
The tears roll,
But not for long.

You twist & turn,
The hole too deep,
The blood flows,
But you don't weep.

Nothing left to cut you more,
The blades too blunt,
The wounds too sore.
No tears now,
No blood left to fall,
Just that inward crying,
The sharpest pain of them all.

Pursuit of Happiness

It is really common to hear that people are depressed or frustrated. Ask them why? and they would not know. This post is neither an answer to the problems nor a spiritual path to happiness, it is nothing more than an introspection:

We are often, consciously or unconsciously, governed by what the world thinks, what people have to say. Invariably we are brought up being told that we should study because our neighbour's son/daughter studies or studied and did well in life. Our sense of morality, success and failure are bent to understand that the opinions of everyone else are superior to ours, and they are the conclusive test of what we are in life.

Slowly, our own sense of thought, logic, morality, happiness, start to become what is thrust upon us by a collective whose identity is impossible to establish. Curiously enough, this collective comprises individuals whose idea of morality etc. is totally different from the community standards they project. My point, in summary, being that we live our lives the way 'they' want us to live it.

Day in and day out, our choices are determined by what people will say or what they will do. My question is: your life, your decisions, you face the consequences of your decisions, then why care about the people? The thing about people is that will always talk and they have a really short memory. They want to talk because they have nothing better to do. If you sit and do nothing, you are useless, if you go ahead and do something, they are just jealous. If dogs don't bark, what else will they do?

We live so much of our lives being what people want us to be that we forget who we really are and when we do things for other people we are bound to be frustrated. We can only excel or enjoy things when we do what we want to do. Our lives have gradually turned into an hypocrite pledge to satisfy others and the biggest problem is that you can never truly satisfy the people or the community standard, simply because there is none! Only when we define our life by what we want, there can be satisfaction, only then can we truly relate to that elated feeling called happiness.

"Ninty per cent of our lives are lived for other people and then we wonder why we aren't happy. The ten per cent is who we are, what defines us, what makes us happy."

You get to live once, live life KING size!

He Wasn't There

When the dice of fate roll,
Would you question the game; your God; or your future told?
When in a lifetime of joys, there are moments of sorrow,
Would you give up on him; to whom you prayed each day for a brighter tomorrow.
In the myriads of questions would you seek an answer,
Or let him guide you; your best adviser.

When your kingdom falls and you have no place,
Would you still seek shelter in his holy grace?
When the tides are high and slap your face,
Would you still praise him; who always made you win each race.

When you wonder wither the winds of destiny would turn,
Would you try and change them? Or in your heart will his image burn?
On the glorious road, down that bright aisle,
When all you won, with all smile,
Did you think of him, who got you there?
But you fought with him,
When the dice rolled, and he wasn't there.

Where Were You?

When I was laughing at jokes,
Rejoicing in my victories,
Smiling in happiness,
Where were you?

When I was tired to go on,
When I was smiling in grief,
Feeling everything was over,
Where were you?

When everything went wrong,
The world stood against me,
And none believed me,
Where were you?

When my tears were on the edge,
And I looked for a shoulder to cry on,
Where were you?

When time stood still,
People crushed my faith,
Tore me to pieces,
Where were you?

When I came face to face with myself,
Fighting a never ending war,
And I needed a negotiator,
Where were you?

When my dreams turned into nightmares,
My hopes shattered,
My insecurities doubled,
Fears strengthened,
Where were you?

When all made fun of me,
Laughed at my mistakes,
When I needed a friend,
Where were you?

When I was running away from life,
With no hopes and a million fears,
Where were you?

When I was looking for you all over,
And in my pursuit I fell down,
When I thought you would come to life me up,
Get me back on my feet again,
Where were you?

When all was over,
And I shed my last tear,
Drew a last breath,
Waiting for you to hold me,
Where were you?

Why India Deserves An Oscar

Bollywood has produced some exceptional, evergreen, and extremely content oriented movies in recent times. Lagaan, Black, Taare Zameen Par etc. but still we do not find a place in the Best Foreign Film category in the Oscars. It is rather unfortunate isn't it?

If one was ever to write a paper on Antonio Gramsci's theory of cultural hegemony, the Oscars are a prime example of how hegemony plays out in the real world. Why are we so crazy about an Oscar? Is recognition by the US all the Indians are dying for? Will that prove to be an acknowledgment that India has arrived at the world stage?

It is how the media plays it, how our minds are shaped by the use of the internet, television and newspapers. When one talks of going abroad, it is usually presumed to be the US. Why? There are so many other countries in the world. They have better cinema, better actors, better standards for judging awards, then why are we so determined to get an Oscar? Is it because it is the most fair system? Or because it is globally accepted as being the most prestigious? Well, neither of them is true.

We tend to blindly replicate the West in whatever fields we can. Our slavery and colonialism is not over yet. Welcome to India of the 21st century whose latest philosophy is "When in doubt, look west". I agree to some extent that there are many things that the west (I mean the US in the present context) has achieved and done better than we could. However, it is not the be all and end all of superior civilization. Have you ever reflected on the t.v. shows and movies produced in India? How many ladies in India are dressed in saris worth thousands and jewelery worth lakhs 24x7 working in the house and cleaning utensils? Or how many boys and girls in India meet on the streets and start singing songs and everyone starts dancing behind them? It is pure drama and nothing else. Then why don't we have the same critical reflection of the shows and movies produced abroad. Not everyone lives the same lifestyle like the ones we see on Desperate Housewives, or Baywatch, or How I Met Your Mother or American Pie. Everyone in the US is not stripping naked and having sex all the time with almost anyone. (And that by no means is the definition of being liberal. But I'll reserve more thoughts on being liberal for another post)

However, getting back to my point, why is an Oscar award so important to us? I think we have been carried away to a point that we are just mesmerized by whatever is happening in the United States. We want to do everything the way they do it. I personally have great faith in our cinema (Yes, we do have our shameful moments like Ram Gopal Verma ki Aag and Jaani Dushman etc.) but our award ceremonies are as good and as fair as any other. Personally, I am one of those who believe that Slumdog Millionaire was awarded Oscars as a propaganda to show Indians in a bad light(I am sure there are those who disagree), and therefore, I believe that the Oscars are not the epitome of fairness and ultimate touchstone of recognizing good cinema.

It is time we start having faith in what we do rather than just be chimps and copy the west or crave for their recognition. When thousands die in India everyday in the floods, riots, due to poverty, earthquakes, we never observe a minute of silence. But when thousands died in 9/11, there was one minute silence in India. God Bless America!